The Healing Power of Forgiveness
Mark Twain says: “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
We may feel the anger and pain of the violet. We want to let go of the anger we feel, toward whomever has wronged us, especially when you were deeply wronged, or betrayed or cheated on, or lied to. We may want to forgive but get stuck because we believe those people don’t deserve our forgiveness. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.
How interesting that we talk about deserving forgiveness, like someone can atone for something they may have unknowingly done to you. The person has to show qualities of worthiness of your forgiveness or grace.
When you hold onto the anger of righteousness, you are the one that suffers. You drain your energy, and remain energetically connected to that person. This is the opposite of what you want when you are sovereign.
To forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. To stop feeling one way you can do various mental gymnastics… perhaps I’m taking it personally, they didn’t mean to hurt me, etc. Either way, you are either trying to understand the other person or undermining, minimizing, or “adjusting” your own feelings.
Let’s say that you decide to be the bigger person and go to the effort of telling someone you forgive them, but then they don’t accept it? Or they don’t acknowledge your act of grace? You think, “What the heck? I make myself vulnerable and then they don’t have the grace to accept it?” As you know, you can only control yourself, not the other person.
As empaths, we then judge ourselves because we cannot let go. Why can’t we be compassionate enough to forgive?
Perhaps you are a chronic apologizer, always saying you are sorry, even if not your fault. The fairy godmother of “I’m Sorry”. If you don’t acknowledge how the wrong has impacted you by glossing it over or taking responsibility for something that isn’t your fault, you begin to give away pieces of ourselves. What happens when we keep giving pieces of ourselves away? Then you are a shell of your former self unable to claim your sovereignty.
While you’re concentrating all of your energy on what you cannot change, you’re neglecting or don’t have the energy for changing what you still can: your future.
Maybe there is a way forward without naming a victim of the trauma. Maybe we can achieve the freedom of forgiveness through grace and practice, not only acknowledging ourselves but disconnecting ourselves and dissolving the pain and hurt.
Forgiveness plays into the idea of polarity: right and wrong. Someone is in the right and the other is in the wrong, thus, in this model, we need honor our rightness and their wrongness. Let’s say that we shift from forgiveness to grace, something that is given, not earned. It isn’t about deserving or atoning. However, there is a third way that does not play into the duality of this model.
There are three techniques that allow for healthy forgiveness and grace while honoring your feelings and having compassion for the other’s offense, flaw, or mistake, or on a deeper level wronged, or betrayed or cheated on, or lied to. They are simple and however you do it, it is right.
You can use the Vesica Piscis, which is a sacred geometry form that you can use to transmute the energy of the interaction, by adding color or creating a cord to ground to the earth. The second is a practice from Matt Kahn where you ask that the person be blessed with all of the love her heart desires.
And the third is Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. There are four simple steps that bring love and grace to you and the other person.
I’ll be going into these techniques in more depth on May 30th at 7:00 at Discover your Spiritual Gifts at 5808 S Rapp Street, Littleton, CO 80124
Written by Janice Dau
Janice is an Abundance Facilitator and Frequency Alchemist. She seeks a life of affluence, ease and joy for all. By accessing the intelligence of the universe you can live the life of your dreams. She values clarity, simplicity and fun. By loving what arises, you can become the change that you seek.
Janice is a certified Usui Reiki & Karuna Reiki Master Teacher, Akashic Record Librarian, Certified Anahata Code Practitioner and student of the world living in Lone Tree, Colorado. She opens her heart on the quest for knowledge that fuels her desire to assist others in living a life of abundance. She is very excited to bring souls together that are desiring to live a life of highest potential. Her passion is building community and teaching others to use crystals, oils, chakras, EFT and other modalities.
Vialet Rayne of Discover Your Spiritual Gifts created an inclusive and welcoming spiritual center and metaphysical store in historical downtown Littleton, Colorado. Discover Your Spiritual Gifts is a haven for those seeking and teaching spirituality. This sacred sanctuary and loving community exist to heighten our individual and collective consciousness while unearthing and sharing each individual's inner gifts.
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